Originally Posted by Giligan
Fine. Whatever, I'll tell. But if I tell this story, and I hear a single joke about it later on, I'm going to go all Full Metal Jacket on you guys. Seriously.
Our story begins a few days ago, when cows from a nearby cattle farm (that's the countryside for you) escaped from their enclosure, and proceeded to trample all over the yard, eating the lawn and leaving cow pies all over the yard. (The owners are still AWOL, and thus the cows are still out. Looks like the police are going to have to deal with it. It's unreal. However, they're no longer in our yard, anyway.)
Fast forward a few days; someone I know had suggested to me that I go to a local church's youth group meeting, meet some people, you know. I did, and it went well. Anyway, at the end of the meeting, suddenly everyone stood up, circled, and held hands. The group has a prayer at the end of the meeting. I'm the new guy, so they ask me if I have anyone I'd like to pray.
Well, it's a bit of a bind. I really don't feel like praying in front of all these people, but I can't say "No, I don't have anyone I'd like to pray for", now, can I? It would sound pretty bad. So I say, "sure, my family." And then the whole group bows their heads. After a moment, I realize they're waiting for me to pray. Shit, that ain't good. So I start off, then stammer a bit, then go a bit further, trying to fake the blanks that my mind keeps drawing. "Uh, I'd like to pray that, uh, the neighbors come to, uh................................ clean up their cows' crap in the back yard so my mom doesn't have to do it. Amen."
So, now you know. Now that that's out of the way, I'm going to slink off and kill myself quietly.
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