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Old 07-21-2007, 01:26 AM   #2730
stepurhan
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: South East England.
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The Dark Power

Maybe the fact that it wsa 99p in my local corner shop should have warned me. This is without doubt one of the worst films I've ever seen (not sure how it achieved 4.2 on IMDB)

Basic plot. Indian dies that has been guarding the graves of four Toltec sorcerors intent on rising up and committing evil!!!! (they use four exclamation marks in the explanatory bit about Toltecs at the start) Young women who like to prance about in their underwear start renting his house (including token black girl, token racist girl and token lecherous brother of racist girl who she invites to stay out of spite) Toltec zombies rise up and cause mayhem.

Except they don't do that until 45 minutes in. This is in a movie that is only 70 minutes long (despite claims to the contrary on the cover) so you have about two thirds of the movie without zombies at all. I was starting to think I was watching an 80s teen angst movie for a while.

Then they appear and it seems the Toltecs were fans of the Three Stooges as they start performing comedy routines (in-between the vicious slaying of teens) The one with the Tomahawks is especially good. He performs a manouvre that was clearly intended to say "look at my expertise with these tomahawks" but comes off as "Saturday Night Fever reject" He then goes on to perform lots of Power Rangers poses and tomahawks one of his buddies (because it's hard to hit someone from three feet away who is being held IN FRONT of your buddy)

But it's OK because we have a hero, Lash LaRue (as Ranger Girard), master of the mystical whip. Lash LaRue is reputed to have very good whip skills but you wouldn't be able to tell it here. He just looks like he's waving him arm about (even in his introductory scene where he sees off the most docile, stupidly grinning pack of wild dogs you've ever seen)

I could go on but I think you get the idea. If you see this film showing, give it a wide berth.

Let's finish with some classic dialogue.
Mary: Of course, some girls might be a little crazier about whips than others.
Ranger Girard
: You know about my whip?
And the classic challenge for fighters of evil.
Ranger Girard: All right, you demonic bastard, let's take this outside!
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