On the topic of real vs. simulated sex, I don't think it really matters. Movies are an illusion anyway, it doesn't really matter how the impression is created as long as the actors/body doubles are up for it. I do think that there's an argument for graphic images in order to convey a frank and truthful scene. There's something unbearably coy about the artful camera angles, pans to the fireplace, cross-dissolves and careful bedsheet arrangements that make sure we never see the actors' genitalia.
On the more general question of whether to include the sex scene at all, it all comes down to whether it benefits the movie, doesn't it? No, we don't always need to see it, even when we know it happens, but I wouldn't agree that it's always superfluous, either. I would name Don't Look Now as a film with a "necessary" sex scene. (As in, the film would be much poorer without it.)
Are the "vast majority" of sex scenes unnecessary? I can't say I've noticed.
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